I Don't Understand

I look toward the doorway but there's nobody there,
Where I saw you last standing, there's nothing but air,
The sparkle of your eyes and the sound of your voice.
They left with you that day, we were given no choice.

If I had been asked if it was your time to go,
I would have screamed at the top of my lungs, "No! No!"
But no one asked me, I was given no say,
In this unspeakable horror that took you away.

My son, when you left me, it tore out my heart,
The wound is so deep, no healing can start.
The world, it goes on like nothing was done,
I just want to scream out, "I don't have my son."

I don't understand why you couldn't stay here,
You truly loved life and you held it so dear,
What was it that happened in your final days,
What kept you from finding your way through life's maze?

Each morning I pray for God's help through the day,
I don't understand why I couldn't help you to stay,
Dear son, you couldn't know the pain you were leaving,
The huge void in my life, this intense grieving.

I try to remember that now you're out of your pain,
I look forward to the time I can see you again,
I'm grateful you found God before you left here,
But son, when you left, you took so much I hold dear.

There's no greater gift we can have than God's love,
The joy and the peace that is now yours up above,
I too will receive when my work here is done,
But for now my pain is great . . . and I miss you my son.

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-- 12/29/97