The Form Letter Variant
Here's one that even includes a handy form for you to fill out to request that highly valuable service of being put on someone's mailing list. This makes it so easy, I don't know why I didn't think of it before. It's stunning in its simplicity. This guy's also stunning in his simplicity.
"Own everything you ever dreamed of. It is as simple as filling out a form, and mailing it (I've heard that even a 13 year old has made it work). Welcome to the world of mailing lists. Together with the Internet, mailing lists are making millions of dollars for many users."
Do I even need to comment? No, I didn't think so.
"HOW... you ask? "
Actually, no, I didn't. But I am sure you will proceed to tell me anyway.
"First let me explain, "
I thought so... Oh, this should be good.
"this is a perfectly legit SERVICE, not some get rich quick SCAM. "
Gosh, that reassures me tremendously. Anyone who tells me right up front, without any previous hint of suspicion, that what they are about to tell me is not a scam deserves complete credibility in my book.
"When followed properly, it has the potential to make about $50,000 US a month."
Just exactly what would you call "get-rich-quick" if $50,000 in one month doesn't qualify?
"Now let me show you the process:
1) PRINT out this document 5 TIMES on a text editor or your favorite word processor AS IS.
2) FILL IN the following information on each
print-out:
****************************************************************************
PLEASE ADD ME TO YOUR MAILING LIST
Name:
___________________________________________________________________
Address:
___________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________
City: ____________________________ State: ____________________________
Zip Code: ________________________ Country: __________________________
Email: _____________________________________________________________
**************************************************************************"
This seems vaguely familiar.... must just be the form that is throwing me off the scent.
"3) PREPARE 5 envelopes, addressed to the
following addresses:
**************************************************************************
"
Here comes the twit list...
"1. B Sokall, PO Box 451352, Sunrise, FL,
33345-1352
2. Jay Johnson, RR2 Box 25C, Union PA, 18470-9617, USA
3. S B Sperling, 7154 N University Dr #105, Tarmarac, FL, 33321
4. M V Galasso, 8362 Pines Blve #355, Pembroke Pines, FL, 33024
5. J. Jerez, 2415 Southvale Cres #21, Ottawa, ON, K1B 4T9, Canada
**************************************************************************
"
None of these people should be contacted in any way to tell them what twits they are. That would be rude, and has probably already been done dozens of times.
"4) PLACE 1 filled out form along with a $1 bill inside each envelope (no cheques or money orders please) . Make sure that the bill is placed inside the folded document and is not visible from outside the envelope (you wouldn't want it to get stolen or "lost"). United States currency please."
Right... we wouldn't want anyone to be able to trace any of this...
"5) MAIL the letters.
Mail them? Are you sure I don't just leave them lay on my office desk? Glad you included that little tidbit of wisdom, or this might have been all in vain.
Make sure to have enough postage for your international vendors."
International vendors? Oh, I see, back to the selling my "mailing list" concept. Tell me, how many of these mailing lists with substantially the same people on them do you think any legitimate mailing service is going to be interested in, anyway?
"6) EDIT the list above. Remove number 1 and bump the other four one step up (2 becomes 1, 3 becomes 2, 4 becomes 3, and 5 becomes 4). Create a new number 5 with you name and mailing address."
Yes, yes, I see... How ingenious, and how explicit. Oh, by the way, here's an extra "r" for you to put into a word of your choice in that last sentence...
"7) POST the new document to at least 200 newsgroups. This should give you plenty of exposure and will generate lots of replies. "
Oh, no question about that... I even sent one of my standard replies myself!
"8) REMEMBER, there is no need to cheat the system. It is a cheap investment (about $10), and when followed properly, it can make thousands. "
You're right - the system is enough of a cheat (and scam) as it is.
"*************************************************************************
PLEASE NOTE: You are providing a service, making this legal; you are not
just sending money to some person you saw on the Internet. Make sure to
keep record of all the forms you receive. This is your mailing list, and
the more it grows, the more it will be worth to you, and to others, such
as Direct Marketing Firms who may wish to purchase your list at a later
date."
Do I have to do this every time? All together now... anna one, anna two, anna three.... on the US Postal Inspectors' Service page, it says: "Do not be fooled if the chain letter is used to sell inexpensive reports on credit, mail order sales, mailing lists, or other topics. The primary purpose is to take your money, not to sell information. ‘Selling' a product does not ensure legality.". I'd like to thank the chorus for their wonderful support on that last little number.Well, at least he kept if fairly short, if not very sweet.
