The Loan Summation Variant
This variant claims that it is nothing like the other ones because you are sending $5.00 "loans" to 3 people instead of sending $1 to 5 people asking to be put on a mailing list. How original, don't you think? That certainly exempts it from the Postal Lottery laws, wouldn't you say? What's that? You don't think so? Golly gee, why not?
"$$$$$ NEED EXTRA MONEY RIGHT NOW? $$$$$
HOW CAN YOU MAKE $7,000.00 IN 2 WEEKS?
CAN'T BE TRUE YOU SAY?
BELIEVE ME, IT'S TRUE! PLEASE READ TO FIND OUT HOW"
You're damn right I say it can't be true. I also say it's illegal, and so does every authority and law on the subject. I see your highly logical argument shouted at me to believe you right up front, too - that's a certain way to convince me, yesssirree!
"If YOU want to make a few thousand weekly, then please take some time to read and understand the MLM program I am sharing with you. "
Look, stupid - there's a difference between multi-level marketing and pyramid schemes like this chain letter - one main one is a legitimate MLM is legal, this one isn't (either legitimate, OR legal).
"NO, it is not what you think! ! "
Betcha it is. How much will you take on your end for the bet? I'll even give you odds.
"YOU WILL NOT have to send $5.0 to five people for a report, recipe, or any other product and I'll show you how IT WORKS!"
No you "loan" $5.00 to three people in your scam. Gosh, quite a difference, huh?
"First of all, there are only THREE LEVELS, not four, five, six or eight like many other programs. This three level program is more REALISTIC and much FASTER to operate."
I don't really consider that enough of a difference to claim that this is not the same type of deal. How about you out there in the studio audience? Anyone out there feel like this net idiot has proved his point?
" The response rate for this program is VERY HIGH. "
Yep, sure is - flames to your email box, complaints to your ISP, reporting you to the authorities, and other such responses normally run very high, and oh, so very fast, too.
"HERE'S THE PROOF
One woman tells how she ran this Loan Summation four times last year. The first time she received $3,000.00 in cash and she received over $7,000.00 the last three times. When this letter is continued as it should be, EVERYONE PROFITS."
On the other hand, my dictionary has this definition of "hearsay": " 1. Information heard from another. 2. Law. Evidence based on the reports of others rather than the personal knowledge of a witness and therefore generally not admissible as testimony." Now, you tell me which one of those fits best.
Just as an additional note, my dictionary also has this definition for the word "lie": "1. A false statement deliberately presented as being true; a falsehood. 2. Something meant to deceive or give a wrong impression." and the word "liar" as: "One that tells lies." Could that fit anyone we know?
Proof? "One woman [unidentified, of course] says" such and such. Huh. My dictionary must be wrong. It defines "proof" as" The evidence or argument that compels the mind to accept an assertion as true. 2.a. The validation of a proposition by application of specified rules, as of induction or deduction, to assumptions, axioms, and sequentially derived conclusions. b. A statement or an argument used in such a validation. 3.a. Convincing or persuasive demonstration. b. The state of being convinced or persuaded by consideration of evidence." Your assertion of "proof" doesn't quite measure up to a definition of that same word, in my opinion.
"You ONLY mail out 20 copies (not 200 or more as in other programs.) You should send them to people who send you their programs because you know that yours is better and faster.."
Oh, that wouldn't be because you already suspect that they are more gullible than most then, would it?
"Even if you are already in a program, try this one. It is a very small investment compared to other MLM programs that cost you hundreds of dollars to get started. "
Yes, those other nasty [legitimate] MLM programs have horrible things like products, or stupid licensing fees, or slimy business materials (sometimes they even have a business code refernce manual to follow) that you have to pay for. Shame on them.
"HERE ARE THE SIMPLE DETAILS
Just loan three people listed below FIVE DOLLARS each---that's all! Don't worry about finance charges or getting repaid."
Loan? Loan? But don't worry about interest or repayment? Bwaahahahahah!!!! You are pathetic. My, my - let's look at that silly ol' dictionary again, shall we? "Loan" is defined as: "1.a. Something lent for temporary use. b. A sum of money lent at interest. 2. An act of lending; a grant for temporary use." Looks to me as if a "loan" is meant to be repaid, usually with interest. Do you often go about life redefining words to fit the meaning that you want to use them as?
"After the first time, you'll see how EASY it is. AND IT DOES WORK."
Yup - it's easy. Nope - it doesn't work, and is illegal. AND STOP SHOUTING AT ME.
"Follow the simple instructions and in TWO WEEKS you should have at least $7000.00 because most will respond due to the LO INVESTMENT; HIGH PROFIT POTENTIAL and the fact that you receive your loans immediately."
Ever consider a career in stand up comedy, buddy?
"1. On three blank sheets of paper write your name and address, wrap each paper around a FIVE DOLLAR BILL. Send these to the THREE NAMES listed in positions #1, #2, and #3 below(guarantees everyone gets loans immediately).
2. Retype the LIST ONLY, removing the persons name and address in the first (#1) position from the list. Move the other two names each up one position and add YOUR NAME and ADDRESS to the list in the third (#3) position.
3. Lay your new list over the old one and make 20 copies to send out immediately to prospects."
Oh, yes, I see how tremendously different this thing is from that other thing you started out by telling me that it wasn't.
"That's all there is to it. Once you have mailed your letters out You will start receiving loans almost immediately, these loans will be sent to you by people like yourself who are willing to invest a mere $15.00 dollars to receive over $7,000.00. Your entire investment will be about $22.00. This includes the $15.00 you loan, cost of copies, envelopes and postage. VERY INEXPENSIVE WHEN YOU CONSIDER THE RESULTS! No mailing lists to buy and wait for; no trip to a printers (copiers are everywhere). In fact, make a few extra copies and each time you receive MLM offers in the mail just fire one of these back to the names on their list. Some people will purchase a mailing list of opportunity seekers and send out 100 OR MORE! I'll leave it to you to run the figures and see the POSSIBILITIES!"
Translation: "I'm too stupid to do the math myself for fear of making it sound too outrageous, or my calculator is broken."
"ACT FAST---GET MONEY FAST
You can do this one while you are resting and have it in the mail today.
HONESTY AND INTEGRITY MAKE THIS PLAN WORK. "
I see you've failed on that one right out of the starting blocks. So sorry, Charlie.
"Be sure to copy this form and omit nothing. At this time we are enjoying a 60% participation from those who receive this plan."
Bwhahahahaahaahahahaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!! 60%???????? You really should look into that career in comedy. 60%?????? Boy, that's a good 'un. A classic that is.
"Please send your loan and mail your letters out right away!
REMEMBER: COST: $22.00 TIME: 12 to 15 days VALUE: $7,000.00
THANK YOU AND GOOD LUCK FOR A PROSPEROUS YEAR
#1 Frank L. Divall, jr.
P.O. Box 1027
Arkansas City, KS 67005
#2 Frances S. Stockl
1051 West 105 North
Orem, UT 84057
#3 Samuel K. Bowman
307 North First Avenue
Holbrook, AZ. 86025"
So - anyone want to loan me a few fivers?
