The Testimonials Variant
This guy uses testimonials to show how well this work, including an original Dave Rhodes Chain Letter! A bit of history, right here on your computer screen. You believe them, don't you? Well, don't you???
"Earn Up To $50,000 In Just 20 To 60 Days
It's Like A Dream Comes True!
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Please be skeptical about this letter. Please
be very, very skeptical. "
That shouldn't be too hard, because it's obviously a total scam.
"But don't go away until you have carefully considered what I am about to show you. This can be the most important communication you will receive if you can understand and act upon this incredible opportunity. "
I can understand it all right. I understand it better than you do, perhaps. I at least understand that it is illegal.
"This is a real opportunity to make money fast and begin your own business at your computer. Read the info below and follow the guidelines and you can make money fast. This letter was given to me and I'm sharing it with you. Give it a chance and you to will make the money you need to get the life you want. I have already seen the money coming in. This takes very little time and is really working well so if you want to make a little extra cash and start your own business then go for it! "
What an idiot if you actually believe those things.
"INSTRUCTIONS: Follow these instructions EXACTLY, and in 20 to 60 days you will have received well over $50,000.00 cash, all yours. This program has remained successful because of the HONESTY and integrity of the participants. Please continue, Welcome to the World of Mail Order! )"
Or, perhaps "Welcome to the World of Illegal Chain Letters" or "Welcome to the World of Terminated ISP Accounts" or "Welcome to the World of Flame Mail From The World."
"This little business is somewhat different than most mail order houses. "
It certainly is - They aren't illegal. This is.
"Your product is not solid and tangible, but rather a service. You are in the business of developing Mailing Lists. Man large corporations are happy to pay big bucks for quality lists. (The money made from the mailing lists is secondary to the income which is made from people like yourself requesting that they be included in that list."
Your "product" does not insure the legality of your little scam, as anyone who has been to the US Postal Inspectors' Service page, where it says:"Do not be fooled if the chain letter is used to sell inexpensive reports on credit, mail order sales, mailing lists, or other topics. The primary purpose is to take your money, not to sell information. 'Selling' a product does not ensure legality."
would know.
"Immediately mail $1.00 to the first 5 names listed below,"
That sounds awfully imperative.
"starting at number 1 through number 5. SEND CASH ONLY. (Total investment: $5.00) Enclose a note with each letter stating: "Please add my name to your mailing list". Include your name and mailing address. (This is a legitimate service that you are requesting and you are paying $1.00 for this service.) "
Do we have to go through that again? See above and in virtually every other dissection done in these pages for the answer to that little fallacy.
"Remove the name that appears as number 1 on the list. Move the other 4 names up one position (Number 2 becomes number 1, number 3 becomes number 2, and so on). Place your name, address, and zip code in the number 5 position. With your name in the number 5 position, upload this ENTIRE file to 10 (ten) different bulletin boards. You may post it to the BBS's message base or to the file section. Name it FASTCASH.TXT, and use the file description comments to draw attention to this file and its great potential for all of us. "
Standard instructions, but apparently this is an old version of the letter at this point that still talks about BBS's and 10 bulletin boards, rather than usenet and newsgroups.
"Within 60 days you will receive over $50,000.00 in CASH. Keep a copy of this file for yourself so that you can use it again and again whenever you need money. As soon as you mail out these letters you are automatically in the mail order business. People will be sending YOU $1.00 to be placed on your mailing list. This list can then be rented to a broker that can be found in your local yellow pages listings for additional income on a regular basis. The list will become more valuable as it grows in size. This is a service. ** IT IS PERFECTLY LEGAL ** If you have any doubts as to the legality of this service, please refer to Title 18, Sections 1302 and 1341 of the Postal Lottery Laws. "
Apparently YOU haven't checked out that particular statute very well. Maybe you ought to go back and read it again. If you need help sounding out any of the words, I am sure there is a third grader somewhere nearby that can help you.
"NOTE: Make sure that you retain EVERY name and address sent to you, either on computer or hard copy, but do not discard the names and notes that people send to you. This is PROOF that you are truly providing a service, and should the I.R.S. or some other government agency questions you, you can provide them with this proof! "
I can just imagine an IRS or "other governmental agency" employee falling off of your stoop because he or she is laughing so hard at your attempt to cover an obvious scam.
"Remember, as each post is downloaded and the instructions carefully followed, five members will be reimbursed for their participation as a List Developer with $1.00 each. Your name will move up the list geometrically so that when your name reaches the number 5 position you will be receiving thousands of dollars in cash. "
Uh, wouldn't that be at the number ONE position?
"REMEMBER - THIS PROGRAM FAILS ONLY IF YOU ARE NOT HONEST - PLEASE!! PLEASE BE HONORABLE...IT DOES WORK! THANK YOU! "
So sorry to break in here, but a) this program always fails, and b) if it did only fail when you weren't being honest, that would put it back under category (a) above again, since participationalone puts you in the dishonest category.
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From: Fortune Distributions(Tom@mail.utep.edu)
Hello there, Read this: It works! Fellow Debtor: This is going to sound
like a con, but in fact IT WORKS! The person who is now #4 on the list was
#5 when I got it, which was only a few days ago. Five dollars is a small
investment in your future. Forget the lottery for a week, and give this
a try. It can work for ALL of us. You can edit this list with a word processor
or text editor. Good Luck!! "
Oh, goody. Here come the testimonials. These make me feel SO much better about this whole program. These are obviously real people with real experiences and sharing their innermost thoughts with us. (::blech::)
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Dear Friend: My name is Dave Rhodes. In September 1988 my car was repossessed
and the bill collectors were hounding me like you wouldn't believe. I was
laid off and my unemployment checks had run out.The only escape I had from
the pressures of failure was my computer and my modem. I longed to turn
my advocation into my vocation. In January 1989 my family and I went on
a ten day cruise to the tropics. I bought a brand new Lincoln Town Car with
CASH in February 1989. I am currently building a new home on the west coast
of Florida, with a private pool, boat slip,an a beautiful viewof the bay
from my breakfast room table and patio. I will never have to work again.
Today I am RICH! I have earned over $400,000.00 (Four Hundred Thousand Dollars) to date and will become a millionaire within 4 or 5 months. Anyone can do the same. This money making program works perfectly everytime, 100% of the time. I have NEVER failed to earn $50,000.00 or more whenever I wanted. Best of all, you never have to leave home except to go to your mailbox or post office. In October 1988, I received a letter in the mail telling me how I could earn $50,000.00 or more whenever I wanted. I was naturally very skeptical and threw the letter on the desk next to my computer. It's funny though, when you are desperate, backed into a corner, your mind does crazy things. I spent a frustrating day looking through the want ads for a job with a future. The pickings were sparse at best. That night I tried to unwind by booting up my computer and calling several bulletin boards. I read several of the messages posted and then glanced at the letter laying next to the computer.
All at once it became clear to me. I now had the key to my dreams. I realized that with the power of the computer I could expand and enhance this money making formula into the most unbelievable cash flow generator that has ever been created. I substituted the computer bulletin boards in place of the post office and electronically did by computer what others were doing by mail. Now only a few letters are mailed manually. Most of the hard work is speedily downloaded to other bulletin boards throughout the world. If you believe that someday you deserve that lucky break that you have waitedfor all of your life, simply follow the easy instructions below. Your dreams WILL come true.
Sincerely yours, David Rhodes "
WOW!! A copy of an original Dave Rhodes Chain Letter. From the gentleman who is spending time in federal prison for starting the whole thing. What a testimonial. I guess his $400,000 wasn't enough to buy a good enough lawyer to get him off.
"The following letter was written by a
participating member in this program.
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To those with the COMMON sense to participate in this easy money opportunity:
About six months ago I received the enclosed post in letter form. I ignored it. I received about five more of the same letter within the next two weeks I ignored them also. Of course, I was tempted to follow through and dreamed of making thousands, but I was convinced it was just another gimmick and I was wrong! About three weeks later I saw this same letter posted on a local bulletin board in Montreal. I liked the idea of giving it a try with my computer. I didn't expect much because I figured, if other people were as skeptical as I, they would not be too quick to part with $5.00. But, I BUY LOTTERY TICKETS WEEKLY IN MY PROVINCE AND HAVE NOTHING TO SHOW FOR IT BUT TICKET STUBS! This week I decided to look at this as my weekly lottery purchase. I addressed the envelopes and mailed out $1.00 in each as directed. Two weeks went by and I didn't receive anything in the mail. The fourth week rolled around and I couldn't believe what happened! I can not say that I received $50,000.00, but it was definitely well over $35,000.00! For the first time in 10 years I got out of debt. It was great. Of course, it did not take me long to go through my earnings, so I am using this excellent money opportunity once again. FOLLOW THE INSTRUCTIONS AND GET READY TO ENJOY!
Please send a copy of this letter along with
the enclosed letter so together we can convince people who are skeptical
that this really does work!
Good Luck, Charles Kust, St Agathe Que."
Oh, yes, that really convinces me.
" Hey.... I'm one of the people who downloaded
this awhile ago, and I've made quite a profit...not 50,000 dollars, but
TONS more than the 5 bucks I sent in. It might take more than 60 days to
get 50,000, but I think I can wait.
Danny Wood"
Gosh, with such verifiable testimonials, how can I even begin to refute them?
"ANOTHER ADDITION BY A PARTICIPATING MEMBER
PLEASE just try this and do it right it's only 5 dollars and its legal, but DON'T try to cheat the system or you are cheating yourself! WHAT HAVE YOU GOT TO LOSE, A MAXIMUM OF $5 !JUST TRY IT! SPREAD IT EVERYWHERE, THE MORE YOU SPREAD THE MORE YOU MAKE! THIS WORKS!!!
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!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I AM PROOF !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DO IT...!!!!!!!!!!
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THIS IS REAL AND LEGAL. AND IF YOU DO NOT FOLLOW THE DIRECTIONS EXACTLY
AND DO NOT RECEIVE ANY OR LITTLE MONEY. DO NOT BLAME IT ON THE MAILING LIST
NAMES. JUST INCLUDE YOUR NAME OR WHERE YOU GOT THIS TEXT FILE FOR EXAMPLE
AMERICA ON LINE ETC... ALSO THE NAMES ON THIS LIST HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH
IF YOU GET YOUR MONEY OR NOT. IT IS GUARANTEED YES THAT YOU WILL GET YOUR
MONEY BUT THIS PROTECTS ALL NAMES ON THIS TEXT FILE. AND JUST REMEMBER IT
IS NOT OUR FAULT THAT YOU READ THE DIRECTIONS WRONG AND DID NOT RECEIVE
ALL YOUR MONEY. IF YOU DID NOT SEND IN ONE DOLLAR TO EACH 5 NAMES THAT WILL
MAKE IT SO
ALEX GREENWALD
PLEASE FOLLOW THE DIRECTIONS EXACTLY THIS IS NOT SCAM REMEMBER...........
ALSO PUT YOUR NAME AS #5 AND UPLOAD IT TO 10-100 BBS'S. DO NOT DELETE #'S
1-4 YOUR # IS 5!!!!!!!
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"
Do your eyes hurt as much as mine after reading all that shouting with totally incompetent punctuation? Must have been an AOL'er himself. It certainly couldn't be that all that shouting is just to encourage you do send him HIS $1, could it? Naw, of course not.
"DEAR PARTICIPANT, THE WAY THIS WORKS HONESTLY IS THE MORE YOU SPREAD THE FILE AROUND THE MORE PEOPLE YOU GET TO DO THIS, WHICH MEANS THE MORE $$$$ YOU GET!! "
Another shouter. After all these extremely convincing testimonials from people who have absolutely no vested interest in whether you send them their $1 or not, not to mention that they are all easily verifiable, separate individuals, are YOU ready to participate? Aww, c'mon, why not? After all, all these people can't be wrong, now can they?
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Here are the names to send to:
1.Joe Fenske: 8892 Nuthatch Rd. St. Joe, MN 56374
2.Roanld W. Grim: 2512 Canterbury RD. Baltimore Maryland 21234
3.Huey-Ping Hon: P. O. Box 2052, Norman, OK 73070
4.Swee-Joo Koay: 333 East Brooks St. #215, Norman, OK 73069
5.Mike Espeseth: 123 Millstone Cove. Crestview, FL 32539
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Hmmm... I wonder if Mr. Hon and Mr. Koay might not be one and the same? Perhaps Mr. Koay renting a PO Box and using a different name in the #3 spot? Hmmmm....???Well, I hope with all those testimonials, you are now convinced that this is indeed such a worthwhile undertaking, particularly if you don't mind being the butt of multi-flame sources, losing your ISP, and having various governmental agencies questioning you.
