The $2 Variant
This one takes a Dave Rhodes letter, modifies it very severly, puts in a bunch of testimonials, and changes it to sending just $2 to the first of 4 people on a list (I guess she was too broke for the full $5). Of course, what would one expect from a clueless AOL newbie?I'm going to leave the formatting just the way she had it so it can irritate you as badly as it did me - she was obviously so clueless that he could not even post in decent length lines, breaking the line wrapping conventions of virtually every browser out there.
"ATTENTION ALL FAST MONEY MAKING SKEPTICS! PLEASE READ AND ANALYZE THE FOLLOWING AND DETERMINE IF $2 IS WORTH KNOWING IF THIS IS REALLY POSSIBLE!!!!!"
I son't need to even spend the $2 to know whether this is possible, you stupid twit. Here comes the Dave Rhodes letter - what a way to inspire confindence - include a letter of testimonial from a guy who's spent time in a federal prison for doing just what this person is trying to do.
"Dear Friends,
My name is Dave Rhodes. In September 1988 my car was reposessed and the
bill
collectors were hounding me like you wouldn't believe. I was laid off and
my
unemployment checks had run out. The only escape I had from the pressure
of
failure was my computer and my modem. I longed to turn my advocation
[advocation? advocation??? Don't you mean avocation? - ed. note]
into my vocation. This January 1989 my family and I went on a ten day
cruise
to the tropics. I bought a Lincoln Town Car for CASH in Feburary 1989.
I am currently building a home on the West Coast of Florida, with a
private
pool, boat slip, and a beautiful view of the bay from my breakfast room
table
and patio. I will never have to work again. Today I am rich! I have
earned
over $400,000.00 (Four Hundred Thousand Dollars) to date and will become a
millionaire within 4 or 5 months. Anyone can do the same. This money
making
program works perfectly every time, 100% of the time. I have NEVER failed
to
earn $50,000.00 or more whenever I wanted. Best of all you never have to
leave home except to go to your mailbox or post office.
In October 1988, I received a letter in the mail telling me how I could
earn
$50,000 dollars or more whenever I wanted. I was naturally very skeptical
and
threw the letter on the desk next to my computer. It's funny though, when
you
are desperate, backed into a corner, your mind does crazy things. I spent
a
frustating day looking through the want ads for a job with a future. The
pickings were sparse at best. That night I tried to unwind by booting up
my
computer and calling several bulletin boards. I read several of the
message
posts and than glanced at the letter next to the computer. All at once it
came to me, I now had the key to my dreams. I realized that with the
power
of the
computer I could expand and enhance this money making formula into the
most
unbelievable cash flow generator that has ever been created. I substituted
the computer bulletin boards in place of the post office and
electronically
did
by computer what others were doing 100% by mail. Now only a few letters
are
mailed manually. Most of the hard work is speedily downloaded to other
bulletin
boards throughout the world. If you believe that someday you deserve that
lucky
break that you have waited for all your life, simply follow the easy
instructions below. Your dreams will come true.
Sincerely yours,
Dave Rhodes"
Duh..... I think I will copy a known felon!
"INSTRUCTIONS Follow these instructions EXACTLY, and in 20 to 60 days you will have received well over $5,000.00 cash, all yours. This program has remained successful because of the HONESTY and INTEGRETY of the participants. Please continue its success by carefully ADHERING TO THE INSTRUCTIONS. Welcome to the world of Mail Order! This little business is a little different than most mail order houses. Your product is not solid and tangible, but rather a service. You are in the business of developing Mailing lists. Many large corporations are happy to pay big bucks for quality lists. (The money made from the mailing lists are secondary to the income which is made from people like yourself requesting that they be included in that list.)"
Standard ignorant cant about how you are providing a legal service. See the USPIS page named many times elsewhere in these pages for the real facts that blow this argument away.
" 1. IMMEDIATELY mail $2.00 to the first person on the list below Send CASH only please (total investment $2.00). Enclose a note with each letter stating: "Please add my name to your mailing list." (This is a legitimate service that you are requesting and you are paying $2.00 for this service)."
Here's a deviation from the normal illegal chain scam letter that has been circulating - you only send $2 to the first person on the list instead of $1 to all 5 people on the list. This must be the "I'm too broke to afford $5 variant."
" 2. REMOVE the name that appears number 1 on the list. Move the other 3 names up one position. (Number 2 will become number 1 and number 3 will become number 2, etc.) Place your name, address and zip code in the number 4 position." 3. Upload The File To your MAIL BOX ON AMERICA ON LINE and Forward It to 50 Or More People. (This Works Really good if your not into BBSes) To upload the file to your mailbox. While your signed on to America Online, go to "compose mail" and put your screen name in the place where it says "to:" ( people to send to) and attach the file to the lettter. And send the file to your self and forward it to as many people as you can."
You send to at least 50 people - and they send to at least 50 people, and they send to at least 50 people and they send to at least 50 people - doesn't it bother you somewhere in the back of what little grey matter passes for your mind that that equates to six and a quarter million people? Do you really think that that is realistic? Yes, I'll bet you probably do.
As for the instructions to "Upload The File To Your MAIL BOX ON AMERICA ON LINE and Forward It to 50 Or More People" (love the shouting and highly intelligent capitalization, by the way), I'll bet that works great for people who have real ISPs and avoid AOL like the plague.
In addition, I'll bet AOL really appreciates this plug from you, you stupid spammer. Besides, you didn't even follow your own directions - you spammed this to usenet, you didn't "forward it to as many people" as you could, which would be via email, not usenet.
Also - why do you always want to send it ito yourself? Do you wish to admire your own stupidity that much?
Some questions....
" 4. Within 60 days you will receive over $5,000.00 in CASH. Keep a copy of this file for yourself so that you can use it again and again whenever you need money. As soon as you mail out these letters you are automatically in the mail order business and people are sending you $2.00 to be placed on your mailing list. This list can than be rented to a list broker that can be found in the Yellow Pages for additional income on a regular basis. The list will become more valuable as it grows in size. This is a service. This is perfectly legal. If you have any doubts, refer to Title 18, Sec. 1302 & 1341 of the postal lottery laws."
Not to mention dragging in the age-old untruth about the mailing list crap. Yes, I suggest you do check out Title 18, Sec. 1302 & 1341 of the postal lottery laws - where it clearly states that what you are doing is illegal, you twit. Check it out right here, on the US Postal Inspectors' Service Chain Letter page. You know, the one where it says right there in plain English:
"Chain letters are a form of gambling, and sending them through the mail (or delivering them in person or by computer, but mailing money to participate) violates Title 18, United States Code, Section 1302, the Postal Lottery Statute. Regardless of what technology is used to advance the scheme, if the mail is used at any step along the way, it is illegal."
And...
"Do not be fooled if the chain letter is used to sell inexpensive
reports on credit, mail order sales, mailing lists, or other topics. The
primary purpose is to take your money, not to sell information. ‘Selling'
a product does not ensure legality." You know, that page?
Where do you get the $5,000? I'd really like to see your math on this one. You are pathetically stupid, you total idiot.
" NOTE: Make sure you retain EVERY Name and Address sent to you, either on
computer or hard copy, but do not discard the names and notes they
send you. This is PROOF that you are truely providing a service
and
should the IRS or some other Government Agency question you, you
can
provide them with this proof!"
Please do, so they can nail every one of the stupid ignorant miscreants that participated. Other than that, saving the names will have no effect on your jail term, your ISP termination, or any of the other possible consequences of your illegal activities.
" Remember as each post is downloaded and the instructions carefully
followed, 2 members will be reimbursed for their participation as a
List Developer with five dollars each. Your name will move up the
list geometrically so that when your name reaches the number two
position.
You will be receiving thousands of dollars in cash. "
And now..... in the center ring.... come one, come all..... see the incredible idiots on display.....
Uh? Hello? You said back up page a ways "1. IMMEDIATELY mail $2.00 to the first person on the list below Send CASH only please (total investment $2.00)." - so how do you figure that two members will be receiving money? You ought to at least remain consistent between your illegal instructions and your stupid explanations.
"1. Rob Sutfin
210 Davis Street
Hamden, CT 06517
2. Steve D
PO BOX 3285
Oakland, CA 94609
3. JP Odbert
11179 Jackson Rd.
Sacramento, CA 95830
4. Pamela Munford
5106 Park Ave.
Richmond, VA 23226"
Now comes the really good part... the testimonials, just designed to show you how wonderful and legal and incredibly fantastic this program is.... Note I have seen some of these "testimonials" on totally different variants of this scam... gosh... I can't figure out how that could happen, can you?
First female name I've seen on one of these that I have reported (at least in the bottom position). Nothing in that, other than maybe women are a little less clueless about this sort of thing. But there are always some, aren't there???
"The following letters were written by participating members in this
program.
Feel Free to add your own success stories.
To Whom It May Concern:
To start, I thought this file was a big hoax. But I looked around
a few local BBS's and found that this was going on everywhere. I decided
to
take part in this fast-money making process. So I did, and to this date
have
received more than $6,500 in cash in less than three months. I only have
one
thing to say for those out there in disbelief... it works.
About six months ago I received the enclosed post in letter form. I
ignored
it. I received about five more of the same letter within the next two
weeks.
I ignored them also. Of course, I was tempted to follow through and
dreamed
of making thousands, but I was convinced it was just another gimmick and
could not possibly work. I was wrong! About three weeks later I saw this
same
letter posted on a local bulletin board in Montreal. I liked the idea of
giving it a try with my computer. I didn't expect much because I figured,
if
other people were as skeptical as I, they wouldn't be too quick to part
with
ten Dollars. But, I buy lottery tickets weekly in my province and have
nothing to show for it but ticket stubs. This week I decided to look at
this
as my weekly lottery purchase. I addressed the envelopes and mailed out
the
money in each as directed. Two weeks went by and I didn't recieve
anything
in the mail. The fourth week rolled around and I couldn't believe what
happened! I can't say I received $50,000, but it was definitely well over
$35,000! For the first time in ten years, I got out of debt. It was
great.
Of course, it didn't take me long to go through my earnings so I am using
this excellent money opportunity once again. Follow the instructions and
get
ready to enjoy.
Good Luck,
Charles Kust
St Agathe Que."
Makes me want to just rush right out and join up in the list of nitwits... doesn't it make you want to do the same?
